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Far Out Magazine, 2024
For anyone going through a breakup, there are a million movies that can comfort and reassure you of the universality of your pain. From High Fidelity to Modern Romance and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, there are a myriad of fictional characters that are nursing their own pains and broken hearts around the one that got away. And from these movies and the collective importance that we place on romantic relationships, we have created a concrete guide on how to approach each stage of the mourning period; we know to lean on our friends, to avoid any contact within the first two weeks, to block them on social media and remind ourselves of all their flaws. We know not to accidentally like their old photos on Instagram or stalk their Letterboxd diary to see who they’re going to the cinema with, only to whip yourself into a panic when you see they watched a rom-com with someone of the opposite sex, only to find out it was their sister.
But, considering the dense media list that revolves around these romantic quandaries and dilemmas, there are very few films about platonic breakups and hardly any mainstream conversations on the best way to handle them. We know that when a romantic relationship ends, we have a conversation and definitive ‘break-up’ – it’s the best thing to do. We know that, at the very least, you should hear someone’s voice as it happens and that if you want to make a nemesis for life, then doing it via a post-it note, personalised cake, or four days before Christmas is a certified route to becoming public enemy number one.
But how should we handle a friendship breakup? And from the very limited movies about this subject, what can we learn about the correct way to end a friendship? In order to create a definitive guide on the best and most ethical way to do this, let’s look at my two favourite films about the mess and heartbreak of fading friendships – The Banshees of Inisherin and Girlfriends.
Girlfriends, directed by Claudia Weill in 1978, follows a photographer called Susan who lives with her best friend Anne in New York. But when Anne suddenly gets into a relationship, Susan is left alone and struggles to begin a new life without her friend. It captures the devastating loneliness and perceived betrayal when your friend seemingly abandons you for a romantic partner, highlighting the sudden loss of emotional intimacy and closeness of a female friendship that leaves a gaping hole in its wake.
It’s a uniquely soul-destroying experience and not one that garners much sympathy due to the fact that it isn’t a romantic connection, despite how these friendships can sometimes be more intimate and all-encompassing. You simultaneously feel guilty for resenting your former friend’s new-found happiness within their relationship, but also angry because it caused them to abandon your friendship, feeling conflicted over your own pain and frustration that makes you feel like a bad friend, even if they’ve been a worse friend. You feel worthless and small, like your friendship was just a placeholder until they found what society deems as the ultimate fulfilment for a woman – a boyfriend.